My five stages of lockdown.

  1. Denial
  2. Realisation
  3. Education
  4. Breakdowns
  5. Motivation

This is just a joke, Nah. I mean come on this is like 2020, we’re in modern time. I bet if we go into lockdown, it’ll only be for like two weeks.

Yes, that was me back in March. I’m ashamed to say I turned a blind eye. I just couldn’t come to grips with whats was going on, I believed I was having a nightmare, and I was going to wake up at any minute. I had watched the film contagion when it came out back in 2011, and my mind went straight to that film straight away when the death toll of this virus was going up every day around the world. My work had just closed, so I was already at home for a week before the lockdown had started. I’m not a social butterfly, and I don’t go out all the time, and I prefer my own company most of the time. So staying at home sounded perfect to me. For the first, I would say three weeks; I treated it like a holiday. Ate loads, binged on films and shows. Avoided the conversation about what was going on outside my house. I stopped watching the news because I just didn’t want to hear it. It was like I knew that bad things were happening, people were sick, it was spreading fast, families were losing people in a blink of an eye. But I wanted to escape, and my anxiety couldn’t take hearing it every day.

My reality started kicking in when the new job I had landed for the summer had revoked their offer until next year. My current situation didn’t feel likely I was going back. So now what? But I realised this isn’t just happening to me; it’s happening to everyone in the world. A global pandemic. A world crisis. A wake-up call.

So I started to tune back into the reality of everything, I let back in. I took more notice of what was going on around me. How my friends, my family, must feel? Had to re-educate me about a lot of matters that were coming out because it wasn’t a time to turn a blind eye. It wasn’t a time to bury my head under my covers and read Harry Potter. I also wanted to make better use of my time at home. I did a tremendous free psychology course! ( I wanted to learn new things In this free time at home that we will probably never get in our lifetimes to have.

Although saying all that I had multiple breakdowns if not once a day then at least every other day, felt like the world was ending. I would be fine and then something just hit me like a ton of bricks, and I’d be hysterical, angry, or just sad.

It was time to act. It was time to start planning again for my future (even though what I have learnt from this is, don’t plan too far ahead, you can’t predict what’s going to happen) I got a spurt of motivation for life again when the lockdown started easing. Some countries began becoming free of the virus. It was what I imagine waking up from a long sleep is like, The air of freedom is getting nearer I can taste it. So I’ve decided I need to start following my dreams. I’ve been putting off things out of fear. But if this time has taught me anything is that you just need to do everything, experience everything, live. Do it. Be fearfully fearless, risk it all. And don’t be afraid to fail.

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