17

It’s been a week

And I get scared when someone grazes my hand

I cry when I’m alone

I’ve been smoking

I don’t smoke 

I’m not eating

Now a month has gone by

Only one friend knows

And I’ve fled the country

Rediscovering myself

I’ve started running

It never happened

Ten months

I thought I saw your face today

I was working

I froze

I was shaken up

I couldn’t talk

18 months

I’m in a relationship

First real one

I’ve told him

He doesn’t understand

24 months

It sometimes makes me cry

I see it on tv

In a film, on a show

I get flashbacks

With him

And I choke and panic

3 years later

I’m okay

I hate you

I forgive you

I forgive myself

The what ifs and the shaming and the blame

If I went home, if I screamed louder, if I didnt drink

I cant change it but it has changed me in ways i will

never fully understand

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