It’s been a week
And I get scared when someone grazes my hand
I cry when I’m alone
I’ve been smoking
I don’t smoke
I’m not eating
Now a month has gone by
Only one friend knows
And I’ve fled the country
Rediscovering myself
I’ve started running
It never happened
Ten months
I thought I saw your face today
I was working
I froze
I was shaken up
I couldn’t talk
18 months
I’m in a relationship
First real one
I’ve told him
He doesn’t understand
24 months
It sometimes makes me cry
I see it on tv
In a film, on a show
I get flashbacks
With him
And I choke and panic
3 years later
I’m okay
I hate you
I forgive you
I forgive myself
The what ifs and the shaming and the blame
If I went home, if I screamed louder, if I didnt drink
I cant change it but it has changed me in ways i will
never fully understand
